On hearing that Jennifer Saunders had won a BAFTA last week, for the fantastic return of Absolutely Fabulous after a 20 year gap, I immediately thought of one of my favourite scenes from the original show. Bemoaning her weight (again) Eddie whined and whined and asked her daughter, ‘Oh, God. Why am I so fat ?’
He daughter replied ‘You’re not SO fat.’ But then, after further whining from her mother, she changed her mind and pointed out:
‘Well, for a start, you eat too much, you drink too much and you take no exercise.’
Eddie’s reply ?
‘Darling, darling, please………. It’s far more likely to be an allergy to something.’
I love that ! It’s so accurate. We know why we haven’t got what we want in life, yet we insist that ‘they’ have it in for us, that:
‘Life is unfair.’
‘It’s political correctness gone mad.’
And if we’re particularly child-like, complain:
‘I never get what I want.’
God forbid we recognise our failure to be offered promotion is related to our inability to do the job we have now, let alone take on more responsibility; that our house isn’t smarter and trendier because we’ve made no effort to redecorate or keep it tidy; that no one takes us seriously because we give the impression that we do not respect ourselves.
I’m hurtling towards a Birthday with a Zero at the end of it, and much as I started with good intentions (I imagined a nice, slow steady exercise regime over months that would see me emerge, Phoenix-like from this strange and alien cocoon of unnecessary weight that is smothering my inner gorgeousness). Unfortunately, I’ve now resorted to commenting (regularly):
‘I don’t have enough time to plan a healthy menu.’
‘Of course actresses look like that – they employ masses of people to help them.’
‘How can I work full-time, study and exercise ?’
When actually the truth is closer to:
‘Jelly Babies were half price at Tesco’
‘I’m shattered, I need a glass of wine’
‘I’m not exercising in public ………where people can see me’
and (horror of horrors)
‘Have you got this in the next size up ?’
This is all a bit depressing – apparently I’ve no one to blame but myself. The numerous excuses I’ve used over the months are all irrelevant. The million dollar question is, ’Do I want to get fitter ?’ and if the answer is ‘Yes’, then ‘allergies’, jelly baby sales and stressful days will make very little difference.
So, what made up nonsense are you using to hold yourself back and what ‘allergies’ are you pretending to have ?